How To Make a Paper Airplane That Actually Flies

You will need a regular, ordinary, plain piece of 8.5″ x 11″ paper.  I stole mine from the printer tray.

Lay me flat on the table

Fold one long side across the other, making a V-shaped notch at the top.  Just to be annoying, I turned the paper in this picture…the short side that was at the top is now on the right. 

Keep my sides even, no one likes a mutant air tube

Press down the fold.

Help! I'm being oppressed!

You should now have a funky triangle that makes you want to adjust your vision.

I look like the result of a three-martini lunch

Now fold up the bottom crease about half an inch.

If you start in the middle, I'll look like a giant set of lips

Crease all the way across.

Notice how even my V-notch is?

Do the same thing again, folding up the bottom like you’re hemming a pair of pants you measured wrong.

Wow, now I look like giant lips that got collagen!

 And press down the new fold.

I don't know, life feels kind of flat lately

Now bring the ends together to form a circle.

You spin me right round, baby, right round, like a record baby...

Tuck one end into the other.

Wanna spoon?

Look, not to be blasphemous or anything...

...but I'm pretty sure I'm a miniature Pope's hat

Yes, if the pope tripped over his cassock and his hat went swooping down the hallway, it would resemble this sassy little airtube in flight.  But I assure you, no religious leaders were harmed during the making of this tutorial.

You can leave it like this, if you’d like, but if you don’t want to be always putting it together again, like a pointy little Humpty Dumpty, you might want to grab a stapler.

Oh, but you'll harm the paper? Nice double standard.

Look! My first piercing!

Now for the tricky part:  insert your middle finger into the notched end of the tube.  The rest of your fingers should be outside.

Now I know how a bowling ball feels

 To throw it, hold your hand palm-forward and lightly flick it in front of you as you release the tube, as though you’re waving away a compliment.  “Oh, this old thing?  It’s just something I threw together at the last minute.”

Free at last!

I actually have footage of this very airplane/tube/hat flying down my hall.  But the video camera is holding it hostage, so you’ll just have to take my word for it when I say it’s the swan of the aeronautics world.