Traveling With Kids and Other Stupid Ideas

(to the tune of “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad”)

I’ve been driving on the freeway

All the live-long night.

I’ve been driving on the freeway

But the end’s still not in sight.

Can’t you hear the baby cryin’

Risin’ up so early in the morn.

Can’t you hear the kiddos shouting,

“Trucker, blow your horn!

Mom, I’m really bored,

Dad, I gotta pee,

Molly just threw up all over me.

Jordan kicked my chair,

Steven breathed my air.”

How much longer til I’m free?

~The Sassy Homemaker

The Great American Road Trip.  No matter how you try to avoid it, you will eventually have to leave the house with your children.  And don’t think you get out of it if you’re not American.  Rumor has it that other countries have cars, too.  And roads.  And kids.  To ease the pain, here are some tried-and-true tips from a mom of four sassy children.

1. If their mouths are full, they can’t argue.  Give each child their own snack kit, filled with nutritious finger foods that they can eat on their own schedule.  Carrot sticks, raisins, cheese sticks, apple slices, grapes, pretzels, crackers, peanut butter for dipping, whatever they like.  Stay away from things that drip, ooze, or splatter.
2. If it’s sticky, it will find its way to your child’s hands.  Keep a package of wet wipes in the car for easy cleanup, and a roll of paper towels for spills.  These also come in handy when the guy at the drive-through forgets to give you napkins, as usual.
3. Motion sickness is real, and it’s evil.  If any of your children tend toward carsickness, I suggest the following:  get leather seats (trust me, it’s worth the added expense), give the kids Dramamine at least a half hour before you start driving, and keep Ziploc bags in the pocket of every seat in the car.  Please be aware that throwing vomit-filled plastic bags out of your car window is considered poor form.
4. If you just passed the last rest stop for the next 80 miles, your child will immediately need to use the bathroom.  We have a policy of Enforced Peeing in our family.  If one person needs to go, everyone goes.  Stopping for gas, food, switching drivers, stretching legs?  Everyone goes.  Learn it.  Use it. 
5. Never underestimate the power of an electronic babysitter.  When the license plate game, alphabet game, twenty questions, and I spy have lost their thrill, and you’ve sung every verse of every song you know, in a round, it’s time to haul out the big guns.  I’m talking about electronics, also known as lobotomizers.  Turn those puppies on, and your kids will stare and drool for a good two hours.  DVD player, iPod, DSi, whatever you’ve got. 

If you will be going on the road this summer, here are some good resources:  Road Trip America has all sorts of fabulous road trips mapped out for you.  Roadside America helps you find those odd roadside attractions that are pure Americana, like the world’s biggest firecracker, or a button museum.  What are your favorite road trip tips?