No-Bake Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies

The first thing you need to know about no-bake cookies is that, though it’s true they don’t have to be baked, they still have to be cooked.  So you’re gonna need a pan and a stove. 

The second thing you need to know about no-bake cookies is that you need to make some.  Right now.  I dare you to resist.

 Start with 1/2 cup butter.  Real butter.  You’ll thank me later.

 Melt the butter over medium heat.  Stir it so it doesn’t scorch, because I promise you, you will taste the scorched butter in the cookies.

 Measure 1/2 cup milk.  I’m using 1% because that’s how we roll.  If you’re feeling decadent you can really live it up and use 2%.

 Add the milk to the melted butter.

 Add two cups sugar.  Stir!  Because burned sugar is even worse than scorched butter.

 Measure 1/4 cup cocoa.  That’s unsweetened baking cocoa, not Nesquik or Swiss Miss drink mix.  Unsweetened.

 Add the cocoa to the pan.

 Stir it all together.  If it’s lumpy, use a whisk.  It’s probably simmering a little at this point.

 Wait til it comes to a rolling boil, then let it bubble for a full minute.

 Remove from heat, and add 1 teaspoon vanilla extract.  I love the steam in this picture.  Looks like haunted vanilla.

 Add a dash of salt.  A “dash” is a technical term, meaning “dump a little in your hand and sprinkle it into the pan.”

 Now add 1/2 cup peanut butter.  I suppose you could use chunky, but I’m not sure there’s anything in the world more luscious than Jif smooth peanut butter.  Choosy moms choose Jif, you know. 

 Scoop out the peanut butter and dump it in the pan.  Go ahead, use your finger, you know you want to.

 Now stir the peanut butter into the chocolate mixture, and try not to drool into the pan.  It throws off the moisture content.

 When it’s all melty and blendy, add 3 cups oatmeal.  Rolled oats.  Old-fashioned works better than instant, but you can use instant in case of a chocolate emergency.

 Mix it all together.  You could sneak a taste, but it’s still pretty hot.

 Now spoon it into a baking dish.  Even though we’re not baking it, a long, flat dish like this is perfect.

 Spread it out to the edges, filling in the corners, and leaving plenty on the spoon to lick off later.

 Yeah, like that.  That’s some good eatin’, there.

 Let it cool.  I usually put it in the fridge, because let’s face it, time is of the essence when we’re talking about chocolate.

Serve it up with a cold glass of milk and an exercise DVD.