You will need:
- A Crock-Pot. (Or a slow cooker that looks like a Crock-Pot, which you will call a Crock-Pot even though it’s a Hamilton Beach or whatever, much like you use Kleenex and Bandaids even if they’re actually Puffs and Curad).
- A beef roast. What kind? Well — I’m using an eye of round, or something. There are rump roasts and pot roasts and sirloin roasts and chuck roasts and I’ve even heard of a face roast, which isn’t what it sounds like, but grosses me out anyway. Just pick a roast. If it has lots of fat, it will be more tender, but you’ll also probably develop artherosclerosis or something. Your call. Here’s a handy list of cuts of beef for the epicurious among us.
- Root vegetables. I’m using baby carrots and red potatoes because they’re classic and simple. And because I have them.
- Seasonings. Onion, garlic, parsley, oregano, Italian mix, seasoned salt, rosemary, lemon pepper, whatever floats your boat (but not all at once).
- Lots of time. The key to tender roast, aside from lots of marbled fat, is cooking it at a low temperature for a long time. Low and slow, like a good chick flick.
Wash the potatoes and carrots. Chop the potatoes, skins-on, into smallish chunks and toss everything into the pot. Red potatoes have thin skins that are deliciousness incarnate when they’re roasted. If you’re using russets, you might want to peel them first. And always use Idaho potatoes, because I grew up there and have to throw them a bone once in a while.
Here’s a pot full o’ goodness, fresh veggies. Yes, the carrots are whitish. Yes, that means they’re a little old and dry from sitting in my crisper drawer. No, it doesn’t matter. They’ll still taste good when they’re cooked. Cross my heart. I usually add a little water to keep the food from cooking onto the bottom of the pot. Just a little. We’re not trying to boil anything.
Now pop the roast on top of the veggies. Voila, a built in meat rack! Brilliant, no? Plus, all the juices help flavor the veggies. I have the best luck with fresh roasts, but when I’m desperate and I forget to take the meat out of the freezer, I have been known to stick it in the pot still frozen. It has to cook longer, but it still works.
Add some seasonings. I’m using seasoned salt…
and parsley…
and dried onion. You can dice fresh onion and put it with the carrots and potatoes if you feel like having a good cry. You can also use any number of other seasonings, including dry mixes for onion soup or ranch or Italian dressing. Yum. Put the lid on the cooker and LEAVE IT ON. Don’t be lifting it all the time to check the food. Curiosity killed the cat, and it’ll kill the pot roast, too. Just let it do its thing.
Use a meat thermometer to test the roast after several hours. The actual cooking time depends on the size of roast and the temperature of the slow cooker. Technically, the roast needs to reach at least 160 degrees in the center, but I’m a little paranoid about various microscopic creepy crawlies, and I usually like my roasts to be 170 or even 180 degrees.
Move the roast to a platter, slice it up (or just pull it apart with forks if it’s been in there a really long time and has reached a state of Nirvana), and dish it up with a side of roasted veggies. Comfort food for a rainy day.
